the8thmonarch | [Dual Post]

[Dual Post]

Journal Post
So. What do you do when you want to talk to a shrink. But the one best likely to deal with you is you. And the attitude of any others makes you want to make the shrink quit their job and vanish and show up three towns away.

Event Post
::You find Moeko exiting a flower shop, lighting up a cigarette. Looking at the sky. She's uneasy, bouncing from heel to heel, looking a receipt.::

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

::Sighs.::

You know, I'd chew you out for prying, but what the fuck ever, I don't have the energy.

I feel responsible for Grant.

[ His mood immediately tanks. ]

...Hah, yeah, join the fuckin' club.

Edited 2016-08-25 16:58 (UTC)

How the fuck are you responsible. You aren't the one who tried to kill her for fucking up her boyfriend. So don't try to out pity party me.

No, I just deliberately antagonized her about her actions at every damn turn, constantly picked fights with her, and was the one who let her reactivate her Dark Signer powers when she threw herself on Rhongomyniad's spear. So excuse me for feeling like shit for playing my part in this clusterfuck.

[ ...He takes a moment and then takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nosee. ]

...Sorry, you're right, this ain't fuckin' about me. I'm just. Trying to say I understand where you're comin' from.

And I caused the cycle of perpetual revenge looping over. And over. And over. And over.

By seeking revenge on her, she felt like revenge was acceptable or some shit.

But I figure we're going to climb bullshit mountain of the blame game. Because you're a martyring asshole like that.

I've actually mostly gotten over my martyr complex, thanks, took a couple people yelling at me while I was hospitalized. [ He reaches into the grocery bag, offering Moeko a bottle of what -looks- to be hard cider. ] Turns out dying puts a new spin on what you're actually willing to die for.

Anyway, look, my point is... I get it, I really do. You shouldn't beat yourself up over it, though, cause it never feels worth it, take it from an expert. You can feel responsible without taking it out on yourself.

I'm. Not beating myself up that badly. Just sending flowers in once to twice a week with a letter.

And I blew you up pretty damn well. How'd you walk that off, anyways.

Still, you can talk to me about this shit. Ain't like my shit stinks any worse than yours, track record wise.

...Right, I never told you that story, huh. I uh. Didn't. Not really. Turns out the way to become really bonded to Gigantech is to die and you get a choice of whether you want to come back. Ended up burning away a fair bit of my 'human' side in the process. I'm... not quite a hybrid, but I'm not far off, either. Kinda like Jean being the Thought Ruler, if that makes sense.

Doesn't exactly come with top-tier regeneration, though. I managed to get dragged off to a hospital and now most of my ribcage is prosthetic.

Edited 2016-08-25 17:27 (UTC)

... So you keeping it prosthetic? 'cuz I'm pretty I could shove my hand in there and force it back to being actual bone, but it'd hurt like a bitch. That and I know you want to roboticize you and Shiroko.

And go fuck yourself. Your shit stinks way worse than mine.

I had Jean touch it up, so it's not gonna get in the way of daily stuff. Might act up a bit if I ever get in a major scrap again, though. Thanks for the offer, but I'll pass.

And I don't want to robotize me and Shiroko, jeez. And... I know. I know it stinks. Why the hell do you think I'm committed to building up a force that can deal with supernatural boogeymen. Cause I was a shitty fuckin' kid playing hero and I walked out of it real fucked up in the head.

Fine. And I came out with some porno demon claiming to be me.

Look, alright, I guess I never said this, but... I apologize for all that shit I said, back when we were fighting and you were all hopped up on Dark Mist. [ He pulls out another cider, twisting the lid off. ]

You're, look. I wouldn't have called either of you fake. You both mean different things to me, and I guess I should have just shut up and called you Noriko once or twice proper. Maybe then it wouldn't have felt as bad. Maybe. I dunno. [ He sips. ]

I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm trying for an 'I'm sorry' that doesn't sound like it was pulled out of my ass. It's not easy when the thing you have that's easiest to fall back on is anger.

Yeah, you should. Mostly ignored the Dark Mist mess. And I'd. Honestly like to be called Noriko.

So fall back onto anger.

::Swings her fist at your fucking face, loser.::

[ The grocery bag hits the pavement, as Onni rolls back with the punch, clutching at his face with his now-free hand. ]

...No. I did that enough. I'm. Trying to be someone who can wield their anger more than it wields them.

Son of a bitch, that hurts...

You're giving me a fucking speech while your nose is broken?!

::Snaps her fingers as your groceries float up and fix themselves and land under her arm.::

I'm tired of being the guy who runs on anger! You of all people should understand how fucking exhausting that is!

[ He's rubbing at his broken nose, gritting his teeth as he tries to adjust it slightly. ]

...Why do you wanna see me act like even more of an awful person than I already am, anyway? Isn't it enough I'm trying to make myself a different person from that shit?

I find it funny when people sleazy in ways they never would. And anger being exhausting? Anger's what keeps me up in the morning.

Why?

Anger's got energy to it but the crash kills me. I can't stay mad twenty-four seven, I just don't have the power.

Edited 2016-08-25 18:26 (UTC)

Why what. Then you're garbage if your rage isn't keeping you going and you can't keep it going.

Why does people acting sleazy like that make you happy? Like... what is it about that.

My rage burns too damn hot to keep me going. It all explodes out and I get so damn mad, but once I'm done I just collapse, moodwise. It fucking sucks.

I 'unno. That's why I've been going to fucking shrinks. And then having to squeeze them and make them vanish to three towns over because they keep mocking the fuck out of me or dismissing me.

And Onni, you fucking nerd, if you burn out, your anger is shit.

...I could offer some theories but I'm not a fuckin' head doctor. I won't say anything if you don't wanna hear 'em.

Well then I'm glad it's shit. It used to be awful and all-emcompassing and I don't wanna go back to that me. He sucks and I'd fucking dump him in a trash can.

Do I look like I give a shit if you do or don't.

::No she doesn't. Though your last two sentences gives her this nasty predatory look.::

Alright, two theories, kind of general, broad strokes, maybe they do, maybe they don't.

But either, A, you're so cynical that you need to tear people down and make them nasty in that sort of 'idealism is for chumps' way. Or, B, you want to know people are as nasty as you are deep down, so you poke and prod and try to find them to feel better about yourself.

...Also, stop lookin' at me like that, you hate me from the past as much as I do, probably more.

... Sounds like a load of crap. I just find it funny seeing people become more awkward or more selfish and shitty.

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